Today is going to be busy for me, so I'm cheating and giving you a few quotes all from the same source: Keeping the Moon, by Sarah Dessen. It's an absolute gem of a book that every girl as young as thirteen should read, and re-read often.
Briefly, it's about a fifteen-year-old girl, Colie, whose mother becomes a fitness and health guru and helped them both to lose weight. Although Colie is no longer teased for being fat, she still struggles with self-confidence and self-esteem issues. Over the course of the novel she learns to accept herself fully, not just her skinny body. And then, as she puts it, the fat disappears for good.
I can't even come close to capturing the true essence of the book. Having struggled mightily with self-esteem for most of my life, I could relate to Colie. Just reading the book gives me such an ego boost. It's incredible.
"She touched one finger to her temple, tap tap tap. 'Believe in yourself up here and it will make you stronger than you could ever imagine.' "
"Being self-confident doesn't necessarily start inside. It starts with the rest of the world and leads back to you."
" 'Why are you being so nice to me?' I asked her.
'You know,' she said, 'when you say stuff like that, I just want to slap you.'
'What?'
'You heard me... Colie, you should never be surprised when people treat you with respect. You should expect it... I've watched you, Colie. You walk around like a dog waiting to be kicked, and when someone does, you pout and cry like you didn't deserve it.'
'No one deserves to be kicked,' I said.
'I disagree,' she said flatly. 'You do if you don't think you're worth any better.' "
"See, Colie, it's all about understanding. We're all worth something."
"Self-respect, Colie. If you don't have it, the world will walk all over you."
"I've always known who I am. I might not work perfectly, or be like them, but that's okay. I know I work in my own way."
"It's so, so stupid what we do to ourselves because we're afraid. It's so stupid."
This is something we need to teach each other, constantly. I think we forget that young girls aren't the only ones who can be harsh on their bodies; I know middle-aged women who still don't feel comfortable in their own skin. But the number that comes up on the scale, the number printed on the label of your jeans - that doesn't mean a thing. It is no measure at all of your beauty, your worth, your intelligence, or your capability.
I realize that for so many girls and women - myself included - it's often so much easier to say and read this than it is to actually believe it and live it. By the end of the novel, Colie is able to finally let go of every demeaning taunt and unkind work she suffered, because she realizes her own worth. But this doesn't happen overnight for her. And it certainly doesn't come entirely from other people. The word "self" is at the beginning of those phrases because the confidence and esteem and respect is supposed to come from you. It's not supposed to be based on what anyone else thinks.
In the beginning, that has to come entirely from you. You must portray a sense of self-worth that other people can see and respond to. When they realize that you are confident in yourself and your abilities, they show you respect. In return, you respect yourself more because of the way people treat you - it's a cyclical relationship. But you have to start the process. People will treat you in accordance with the way you treat yourself. If they see that you pick on yourself, they will do the same to you. Funny thing about humans - we live up to exactly what is expected of us.
Your sense of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem must begin in your own mind.
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